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Depression
is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I'm not
cheap, but I am on special this week.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive
way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I love defenseless animals,
especially in a good gravy.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
The only substitute
for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is
a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Many people quit
looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone
has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!
Who is General Failure and
why is he reading my hard disk?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind
but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for
finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting
people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For
Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
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