On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
(Let's not go there...)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
wouldn't that save more time?)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string
of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
(What is this, a home castration kit?)