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Friendship and marriage have much in common. Like
marriage, friendship is a voluntary relationship. And there is a reason the words "for better or for worse" were written
into the marriage vows - marriage is a specialized form of friendship. Two people who are not friends with each other
cannot make a successful marriage. And, as with marriage, people who expect friendships to be free of pain or strife
are deluding themselves.
Life is a balance of both good and bad on the cellular
level. It is unrealistic to expect people to be perfect. We’re all imperfect, to varying degrees; we all
have faults, they’re just different from one another’s. This should be common knowledge, but apparently
it isn't because it's astounding how many people let friendships die over pettiness. These folks toss away friends as
though they grow on trees. Their expectations are completely outside the realm of possibility, and they are begging
to be disappointed. Not surprisingly, they always are.
This isn't about so-called "friends" who have exhibited
malicious behavior but, rather, genuine friends who are experiencing the normal ups and downs of life - for example,
someone who is going through a rough patch and needs emotional support and understanding. Not all of us are natural
nurturers - we can't be all things to all people - but that doesn't mean we cease being the person's friend because he or
she has become "too depressing" to be around. If that person wasn't always that way - and he or she most likely wasn't,
otherwise you wouldn't have made him or her your friend to begin with - then take it for what it is and understand that it's
only temporary. Are you thinking of dropping a particular friend because he or she says things you don't agree with
or doesn't share your viewpoint on certain topics? If so, do you realize that you are, in effect, denying that person's
individuality - the same thing that drew you to him or her to start with? Do you find yourself turned off by a friend's
personality traits - his or her quirks? As long as your friend isn’t being nasty to you or doing anything to harm
you, don’t let those quirks come between you because we all have them. Don’t forget, your friends accept
you for who you are - you must accept them in the same way. You literally do have to take the bad with the good; this
isn’t just a cliché. Most people over the age of 20 have issues, or baggage, however one wants to put it - it’s
called Life. Those who appear to be baggage-free just have better PR than the others.
If you constantly drop friends, if you frequently end
relationships that were otherwise good because of a few incidents or behaviors you didn’t like, then you are going to
be very lonely in old age. With six billion people in the world, it’s always easy to find another "body," to replace
one person with another - but what counts in life is not how many people you’ve had as friends but how many long-term
friendships and relationships you've sustained. There is no substitute for a friend who has been with you through the
years, has stuck by you in both good times and bad and who has developed the emotional closeness that only comes with time.
Friends are not entitlements - they are gifts from God. If
you don't appreciate them when you have them, if you toss them away as though they're dispensible, the day will come when
God stops sending anymore new friends your way and instead directs them towards people who will appreciate them more.
Remember that when you get older, you won't be able to find people who will go on to be in your life for years and years,
because you will no longer HAVE years and years.
In life, the only kind of friend you will have is the
kind you are willing to be. Anybody can stick around for the good times - that's EASY. True friends are those
who remain your friends through the bad times too ... and as we all know, while the good times may seem fleeting, the bad
times don't last forever either. But if you abandon ship at the first sign of trouble and refuse to ride it out and
support your friend in need until the storm passes, you will miss out on the joy that can only come from a long-term friendship.
You will grow older and realize that there are very few people in your life who have been there for the long haul, because
you discarded those who might have been. As we get older, there are fewer and fewer opportunities to meet new people,
and once we're in our later years, it's a mathematical impossibility to make a new friend who will be in your life for more
than a relatively brief time. In life, it's quality that counts, not quantity, and it is far better to have had a dozen
truly close and enduring friendships in a lifetime than thousands of relationships that came and went.
Ask yourself these questions:
What have your past friendships and relationships
been like? Were they emotionally fulfilling, enduring, long lasting - or did they all end badly? Do you currently
have any friends or loved ones (besides family) who have been in your life for many years, or are the people closest to you
all "newcomers" whom you've only been close to for a relatively short period of time? Do you stick with people through
good times and bad, through thick and thin, or do you leave the moment things stop being fun? In short, have you built
up lasting relationships or do you "go through people" quickly, within months or a few years, without their ever having the
chance to become permanent fixtures in your life? Do you become bored with people after the novelty of the relationship
wears off? Do you look for problems in order to justify ending the friendship?
How do you treat your friends and family? Are
you patient and understanding, especially when they're experiencing personal trials, or do you withdraw when they turn to
you for emotional support? Do you keep in mind that every human being has faults - including yourself - and that you
literally do have to take the bad with the good or you're not being fair to the other person, who after all has been putting
up with your "bad" throughout the relationship?
And what about your professional life? Do you
have longevity at work, or have you found yourself dismissed from projects or fired from jobs over the years due to "personality
conflicts?" And when you're on the other side of the counter, do you treat vendors - store clerks, cashiers, restaurant
servers - kindly and with respect, or do you frequently get into arguments with staff members at establishments you patronize?
(Or, by contrast, are you charming and unfailingly polite to vendors and other relative strangers while acting with callousness
or indifference to your friends and family?)
When your ideas on a topic differ from those of an
acquaintance or friend, do you drop the subject after a brief discussion in order to maintain the friendship or do you keep
pounding away to make your point - presenting argument after counterargument until the other person terminates the communication
or changes the subject? When someone else is offering his/her viewpoint, do you accept openly what he or she is
saying or do you shake your head negatively with your arms folded the whole time the person is speaking? Do you acknowledge everything
the other person says or do you "zero in" on one or two points, disregarding everything else and taking things out of context
to strengthen your own case? And do you find that you often win arguments only to lose the friends?
How many friends have you had over the years?
How many have you lost? How many lovers/spouses have you had? How long were you with them before the relationships
ended? Were the breakups friendly or acrimonious? How long have you been with your current partner? Are
you happy with him or her, or are you finding fault with everything he or she does or says? Have you been wondering
why "everybody" in your life seems to disappoint you? If this is the case, have you stopped to consider that the problem
may be on your end?
Be honest with yourself. If you choose to disregard the possibility of any negative
behavior on your part, you are hurting no one so much as yourself because you will realize what you have lost when it's much
too late. Don't let that happen. Life is too short and friendships too precious.
"Be kinder than
necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle."
"Needing a friend
is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again."
Treat your friends
well - for in the end, the only kind of friend you will ever be able to have is the kind you are willing to be.
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