(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK
INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for
an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive;
calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage
on your car.
Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists
you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
(5) ISOLATION: Tries
to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive
you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS
OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.
(7) MAKES OTHERS
RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting
me by not doing what I tell you."
(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily
insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of
(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS
OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips
a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner
will also abuse children.
(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING
SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
(11) VERBAL ABUSE:
Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep
deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects
you to serve, obey, remain at home.
(13) SUDDEN MOOD
SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to
hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.
(15) THREATS OF
VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that
way," or, "I didn't really mean it."