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1. Take
shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Get boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off
at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs
together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons."
5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
6. Make
a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest
voice possible, "I smell sex and candy!"
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10."
10. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
11. Re-dress
the mannequins as you see fit.
12. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
13.
Put M&M's on layaway.
14. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
15. Set up a tent in the
camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
16. Contaminate
the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs
in cosmetics.
18. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
19. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
20. Take up an entire
aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
21. Ask other customers if they
have any Grey Poupon.
22. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where
the anti-depressants are.
23. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
24. Dart around
suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."
25. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the
store.
26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
27. Hide in the clothing
racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me !! pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes
are talking to them.
28. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No,
no! It's those voices again!"
29. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
30. Drag a lounge
chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't
get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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