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Lawyer Goofs and Gaffes
Signs of the Times
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Lawyer Goofs and Gaffes

Lawyers aren't typically funny--unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide:

1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3. Q: What happened then?
    A:  He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
you can identify me.'
    Q: Did he kill you?

4.  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6. Were you alone or by yourself?

7. How long have you been a French Canadian?

8. Do you have children or anything of that kind?

9.  Q:  I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
     A:  That's me.
     Q:  Were you present when that picture was taken?

10.  Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11. Q:  Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
      A:  By death.
      Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?

12.  Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
       A:  I'll be three months on November 8.
       Q:  Apparently, then, the date of conception was
August 8?
       A: Yes
       Q:  What were you doing at the time?

13.  Q:  Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
       A:  I used to be.
       Q:  How many times have you committed suicide?

14.  So you were gone until you returned?

15. Q:  She had three children, right?
      A:  Yes.
      Q:  How many were boys?
      A:  None
      Q:  Were there girls?

16.  You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17.  Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
       A: Yes
      Q:  And these stairs, did they go up also?

18.  Q:  Have you lived in this town all your life?
       A:  Not yet.

19. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

20.  Q:  Do you recall approximately the time that you
examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
      A:  It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
      Q:  And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
      A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Signs of the Times

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